I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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