nutella sex= disaster
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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