just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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