Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
