dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
