Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I currently don't understand fingers.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
