I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
