My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
she was so not down for the gang bang
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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