I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
lets start a swedish sibling band together
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
