Already got asked if we're dating
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
