You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i will never coherently bang her
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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