That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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