He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
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You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
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This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
How drunk are you?
Completed.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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