i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
