hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
