If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Randomize
