There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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