so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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