I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
