I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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