i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
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