Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Randomize
