i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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