at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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