Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
lol hangovers are for mortals.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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