I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I want her autograph on my taint
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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