I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
