honey bunches of taint.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
