If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
