Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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