she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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