afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
