So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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