Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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