Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
