somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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