y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
