you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
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