i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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