Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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