I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
