Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
we're so committed to being not committed
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
