The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
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