I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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