I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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