she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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