Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
