Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Randomize
