how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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