But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
