I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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