I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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