I have demons in me.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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