I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
