ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
It's shark week go big or go home
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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