I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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