I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
