I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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