so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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