How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
my liver is dry heaving
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
