my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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