My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
