I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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