New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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