Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
