dude i'm inner monologue high
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
this hospital has no fireball
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
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