Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
