I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
