I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize