Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I faked an abortion last night.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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