I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
