I'm really into asian looking animals
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
